Shut up or I'll pull out your hair!
by SnowBirdie
Summary: Ron is in for a real suprise! Will he pick between his friend, his friend, OR, his friend!????
1. The Letter

It was a nice sunny day outside. "It is a nice sunny day outside!"   
said Snape. He was staring out the window from the dungeons. "Too bad you   
stupid children wont be able to enjoy it because you have DOUBLE POTIONS!"  
*Big groan from class. "I hate Snape. I wish that he would put himself throught  
a depression or something like that." Ron scowled. "Oh Ron, dont be such a baby!  
Just think, in 2 hours, it will the end of classes and the weekend is here!"   
said Hermione chopping up her chicken liver. "Miss Granger, will you please stop   
being such a social butterfly and FINISH YOUR POTION! 10 points from Gryffindor."  
Snape said staring down at her. "Stupid no good, git, if I had half a mind i'd probably  
go and ........" Hermione muttered to herself as Snape turned his back on her to go  
and award Slytherin 10 points for Goyle's potion looking greener then Nevilles.   
When the bell fianlly wrang, Harry, Hermione, and Ron went to the Gryffindor   
common roon as usual. "I cant believe that Snape gave me only 95 points out of 100. What   
was his excuse again? There was a stain on my left sleeve so my potion cant be perfect!   
That is the most..... the most......AH!" She just finally screamed after thinking really   
hard about something really mean to call Snape. At that moment, who would arrive at this   
moment, but Pig. "Hey Pig. Have you got something for me?" Ron took a little envelope from   
Pig's foot. "Who is it from Ron?" Harry asked looking over his shoulder.  
  
  
Dear Ron,  
I know that we have not been the best of brothers. But let me remind you dear brother, that  
I am infact, well, your brother. Now that may come as a shock to you, but it is true.  
I will be in town for a little bit, so I thought that I would stop by and visit. You know,  
brother to brother time. See you in two weeks.  
Your loving caring, kindly, older brother,  
Percy  
Harry looked up at Ron. There was an expression of horror on his face. "Who sent me  
this?" Ron asked, with a hint of fear in his voice. "I'm not sure, but I think it was Percy."  
Hermione said pointing at the signature at the bottom that distinctly said 'Percy'. Ron held  
the paper closer to his eyes, further away, turned it around in a 360, looked at the back,  
poked at the signature. "What? are looking for bombs in there?" Harry asked puzzled as Ron  
continued to examine the signature. "Oh my God. It really IS from Percy! Harry! What does he   
want with me!? This is really strange!" Ron said, still looking horrified. "What is so strange?  
It is just Percy wanting to be a good brother. It is kinda cute if you ask me." Hermione said   
taking the parchment and reading it. "You dont understand! The last time Percy tried to be  
a brother, he almost killed me!" Ron said. "How!" Hermione asked, even though she really didn't  
care.  
"He kept talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking,"  
"ok! I get it!"  
"And talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking, and talking,"  
"Ron! Will you SHUT UP!"   
"And talking, and talking, and talking, and talking..." Hermione decided to ignore him. "So,  
Harry, why do you think that he is so afraid of Percy?" Hermione asked in a hello-I-am-a-smart ass kind of way.  
Harry looked over Hermione's shoulder. Ron was staring at the was continuing,'and talking and talking,   
and talking....'  
Harry and Hermione decided that they were going to do homework.   
'Divination, great. ok, lets see. I have to look at the lines in a piece of wood, and tell  
what the lines in the wood are telling me. Well if this isn't the biggest load of crap!' he thought  
to himself picking up his block of wood. 'Ok, this line means that I will have a good long life.... I think I  
must have picked up the wrong block.... ok, in that case, I have a short life. I die at age 102! No, she will  
never believe that the wood told me this, ummmm.... I'll die at age 20. I will have 3 children. Not any more! I  
will have no children because I am dead. I will marry, the..... the....."Hey Hermione, can you help me with this  
line?" Harry asked Hermione, pointing to the dark line in the bock of wood. "umm... That line turns left, up, and   
gets bigger, so that line means 'pretty'" Hermione said triumphantly. "Thanks" Harry said, taking his block of  
wood back. 'I will marry the pretty girl named,...... Damn! A name! I hate names! They take forever to translate.'  
  
An hour later.............  
  
'last letter is 'M' ok! Finally! I am done! here is the final translation. You will have a short life, die at the age   
of 20, have no kids, and you will marry a pretty girl named NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM!!! YOU PIECE OF CRAP!' Harry chucked his   
block at the wall which accidentally hit Ron in the back of the head while he was saying "tnd aalking, aad tnlking, anl  
tadking... OUCH! What the talking, I mean hell!??" Ron yelled. 


	2. The Idiot

It was Saturday. Hermione woke up and streached her arms. There was a large clap of thunder.  
Hermione was startled by this. She got out of bed to see nothing but grey skies, a lot of rain, lightning,  
a big black dog, windy skies...... wait, she looked down. There under a tree was a big black dog. Hermione   
smiled and quickly put on her robes. She ran to the boys dormitory. Harry and Ron were still sleeping. Luckily,  
Neville, Dean and Seamus were not there. Hermione leaned over Ron. She put her lips right up to his year. "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
She screamed. Ron's eyes shot open and he shot up. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR!" Ron yelled at her.  
Hermione only smiled. Harry was awake now too. "Whats up Hermione?" Harry asked sleepily? Sirius! He is outside!"   
Hermione said smiling. Ron was smacking his hand on his ear. "OY!?" He half said, half shouted. Hermione rolled her  
eyes. Quickly did a little hearing helper spell on Ron. They all went sown stairs. It was raining so hard. It felt   
like little mrbles falling on their heads. Hermione quickly spotted Sirius. "SIRIUS!" Harry shouted through the wind.  
The big black do looked up. It sat up and wagged its tail happily. Harry covered him in the invisibility cloak and led him  
inside.  
"Password." the fat lady snorted. "Look at you children! You are soaking wet! WHY ON EARTH DOES IT SMELL LIKE WET DOG  
IN HERE!" She shouted.  
"Lemony Fresh!" Harry shouted. Annoyed at the Fat Lady's wailling.   
Once they were in the boys dormitory, they took the cloak off Sirius. "Hello Sirius. What are you doing here!?"  
Harry said backing away. Harry's godfather soon stoof before them. Well, I dont know, maybe I wanted to stop in  
for tea and cookies!" Sirius retorted sarcastically. He was shivering from the cold and wet. Hermione got him some of   
Ron's blankets. "I just came here to see if I could hide out here or something! They are after me in the Americas, so, I came back!"   
Sirius said cheerfully. "American food sucks. It is terrible! I think that it is only is English who have any taste!"   
Crookshanks came in. He curled up on Sirius lap and started purring. "Hey there old buddy! Long time no see!" He picked up the  
cat and began stroking him.   
  
Sirius stayed in the tower. They brought him food and drinks everytime they could. Even though he was a dog, he ate like a   
cow. They were all finishing up their homework when Pig came in again. Ron stared at the letter. Hermione looked at him.  
She took the letter from Pig mumbling something like."Stupid no good, Ron. Coward. Cant even read his own letters without  
freaking out......"  
Dear Ronni,  
How ARE you doing! Sorry about the burns on the paper. I am at work right now. I want you to know that  
you are my favorite brother and that I will always be here for you! I especially want you to remeber that if you ever   
win, oh, I dont know, a trip for three to America! What a silly thought! I have little Norbert here with me! OUCH! The dragon just  
bit me! Ha ha ha. Funny little creature! Anyway, I hope that you will remeber me when, well if, I mean, so long little bro!  
  
Charlie  
"That was wrong" Ron said shaking his head.   
Monday morning. Down at breakfast, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were eating their breakfast when the post owls came in. The Daily Prophet   
landed in front of Hermione. "RON!" She squealed in happiness.  
'THE LUCKY LAD'  
The winner in this month's drawing is Ronald Weasly. He has won a trip for three to America!  
He will be staying in the Maryot of his choice, in the city of his choice, in the state of   
his choice! But, because Ronald is an under age Wizard, one of the two lucky friends he will   
take with, must be an adult. Congradulations Ronald Weasly!  
Harry and Hermione stared at him for a little bit. "I love you Ron!" Hermione said quickly. "Are you my best buddy or what!?"  
Harry said slapping Ron on the back. Hermione and Harry exchanged evil glares to each other behind Ron's back. Ron was still in  
shock! HE, Ron, is going to America for two whole weeks! 'That is why Percy and Charlie are being nice to me! Now I remeber!  
The last time Percy tried to be brotherly was when he wanted to me to do all of his chores so he could have more time to   
worship Mr.Crouch. Now that I think about it, the only time Charlie had ever been nice to me was when he wanted the adress  
of Lavender's older sister. That explains it all!'   
"Ron, darling, Could I go with you on the trip to America!? I mean, I have ALWAYS loved you! If Krum hadnt asked me first, I would DEFINATLY,  
had gone with you! You are so cute! I love you!" Hermione said, leaning her head on Ron's shoulder.  
"Ron! Buddy! Who got you a date for the Yule Ball? I did. Yes. Who saved your ass when we went to go look for that mirror?""I did" Hermione cut in. Harry   
glared at her. Wait, she was right! She did save him. "Well, who saved you in the Chamber of Secrets?" "I saved BOTH your sorry asses!" Hermione cut in   
again. "Well, if it wasnt for my sorry, ass, you would still be a ROCK!" Harry yelled at her. "Well maybe if I wasnt going to the library to SAVE your   
sorry asses, I wouldnt have become a rock now would I???" Hermione yelled back. By now, the whole hall was staring at them. Including the professors.   
"Know it all" Harry hissed  
"Smart ass" Hermione hissed back.   
Ron was too busy thinking about where he would go. He didnt even realize that his two friends were kicking him instead of each other under the   
table.   
When they go back to the common room, Sirius was waiting near the couch. "Guess what Snuffles! I won a trip to America!" Ron said happily. Hermione and Harry  
were still fighting. Ron didnt care. He was thinking of Hawaii, Chicago, New York, Dublin,no, wait, that is in Ireland.... Huston, San Francisco. 


	3. The Problem

Malfoy was once walking down the halls with his perfect badge pinned to his robes. Crabbe and Goyle were  
doing this kind of half strut half pigeon walk behind him. It looked as though Malfoy had a party of gorillas with  
tight underwear on behind him. Just ahead, Malfoy heard two yelling people up ahead. * Now, as we all know, Ron likes  
Hermione, Hermione likes Ron. Harry likes Hermione, and Ginny likes Harry. Draco likes Hermione, but his head is so far   
up his butt, no one could tell, Hermione does not like Draco because his head is bigger then his butt.* Draco looks up   
ahead an sees Harry and Hermione fighting so terribly, it looked like it was over child custody, and Ron, who looked   
like he had just won a trip for three to America. He thought that this was a perfect opportunity to be a butt.   
"Hey Potter! Did you and your girlfriend just hit each other with his ugly smile or what!?" Draco said looking pleased  
with his quick thinking and having it turn up so terribly evil!   
"Draco Malfoy! Shut your ugly trap or else I'll turn you into a tick!" Hermione yelled.  
"Yeah Malfoy! Go infeset a dog!"  
"You cant speak to me that way! I am a perfect!" Malfoy shouted. Hermione put her hair behind her ear to show a bright  
golden badge with a big 'P' on it. Draco knew, he just liked it when she showed off. He thought that she was pretty when  
she did this. Hermione ignored him and continued to yell at Harry. Ron was still staring at the wall in his stupid gaze.  
Goyle tried to look intelligent by picking his nose, while Crabbe stared at the wall and started poking at a spider that  
bit him.  
"Lets go Ron! We dont need this much intelligence in one hallway!" Hermione yelled so Malfoy, Crabe and Goyle could hear her.  
  
When they got back to the common room, Sirius was waiting for them. "Hey Harry! Harry...............HARRY!" He yelled over   
Harry and Hermione's yelling. "WHAT!" Harry yelled. He didnt mean to yell. He was just used to it by now. "Have you guys   
even ASKED Ron if he wants to take you?" He said to Hermione and Harry. They didnt bother. It really didnt occur to them   
about who he wanted to bring! "well! Spill it! Who do you want to bring!?" Harry asked his friend. Just then, Ginny, Fred  
and George walked in. "Hey Ron! Congrats on the big win! Mum told us all about it! Who are you going to take?" George asked.  
"I think, well, actually, I havent given that much thought!" Hermione was about to hit him so hard. Harry was going to scream.  
"I think that I am going to have to think about that! Well, I can bring one friend, and one adult. The adult should be easy! I  
will bring Mum! No, Dad. No, wait. Percy and Charlie really want to too. hmmmm. Well, Percys not going! I would rather throw myself  
off the statue of liberty then be in a muggle-mobile with HIM all the way to America! I think that taking Charlie might be fun. But  
what about Bill. Hmmmm. This is hard. Well, for my friend, I will bring....." he paused. He stared at Harry and Hermione. Hermione  
was looking at him with such a pretty face. Harry looked like he had just seen a friend that he hadnt seen in 46 years. Then, he  
saw Ginny. This would be hard. 'I think that the person who sucks up to me the most will go.' He smirked. "Well, I have two weeks to  
decide who I can take!" He said. 'What as dip!' Harry thought. 'Oh! I see what his game is! What a creep! Ok. I know that I will  
win though!' Hermione thought to herself. 'Let the games begin' Sirius rolled his eyes.  
  
The next couple of days were terrible! In Divination, Harry cheesed up Ron now that Hermione wasnt there. "Hey Ron! The ink blots on  
your paper are saying that you will go to a great place! Oh! And Look at this! It says that your best friend will go with you!  
What fo you know! You cant change the future you know! I guess that means that you will be taking me!" Harry said smiling.  
"Mr.Potter. Would you please consentrate on your ink blotts." Professor Trelawney said. 'Fine. I hope the ink blotts say something useful.  
Like who Ron will pick. Okay. I am going to be ....happy about a ... death. no, wait. That is sad about a death. Then my mother will die!   
well, this is a lot of help. um. I will have a new baby sister named NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM! What the hell is up with this stupid class!' Harry   
thougt. He took his pen and started punching holes in his paper. He saw Neville who was watching him. 'No! Get that thought out of you  
head Harry! You are NOT going to marry Neville Longbottom. Neville Longbottom will NOT be my new little sister! This is stupid!' He thouht  
to himself again.   
  
Ron looked down at his ink blott. 'Did it really say that?' Ron asked himself weather Harry was lying to him or not. 'Why on earth is he   
mutalating his paper for? He sure does look mad about something. Oh well.'   
  
Hermione was bitting her lip. 'This is NOT fair! Harry gets an exta hour to suck up! I need to get him away. I know! Quidditch! This will be   
perfect! Hermione, you are such a clever little witch!' Hermione thought deviously to herself.  
  
Harry and Hermione refused to talk to each other. So Ron was the only one talking. "Ron, tell Harry that he is an ugly git and he is kicking  
my LEG!" Hermione said to Ron.  
"Ron, could you please tell Hermione that she is not exactly a peach herself and that I ment to kick her leg." Harry mumbled before Ron could  
tell him what Hermione said. "OKAY! That is enough! I know who I am goign to take! I am going to take Fred and George! They are both my friends,   
AND they are both adult wizards! So STOP BOTHERING ME!" Ron yelled. Everyone in the common room looked at them. Harry and Hermione were startled  
by his sudden outburst. Ron stormed out. He wanted to talk to some one.   
"Hagrid! Hagrid are you in there!?" Ron knocked on the large door. Fang's braks could be heard behind the door.   
"I'm comin! Ron! 'Ello Ron! How ya been?" Hagrid asked   
"Did you hear about the trip to America that I won?"  
"Yea'! I did. Congradulations Ron. Who'r ya gonna take?"  
"That's the problem! I want to take Harry AND Hermione, but I have to take an adult too!"   
"ah. I see. Well, why dont ya just take me. I would take up tw' seats!" Hagrid gave a low laugh.  
Ron looked at him funny.  
"Um, well you see Hagrid, I dont know who to take!"  
"Ron, Yer a Wizard! Harry's a Wizard. Hermione is a Witch. Why don ya jus' use yer majic!? Take an adult, then take Harry or Hermione and shrink   
the other to pocket size!"  
"HAGRID! YOU ARE THE SMARTEST PERSON I KNOW!" Ron said jumping up. He ran to go tell Harry and Hermione.  
  
"HARRY! HERmione! I know who I am going to take!" Ron said running into the commonroom.  
"Ron, we are sorry for the way we have been acting. We think that you should choose who ever YOU want to go with." Hermione said softly.  
"Yeah Ron, We think that we were being such idiots. We are sorry." Harry said.  
"You both can come." Ron said smilimg.  
"WHAT!?" Harry and Hermione shouted together.  
"Yeah! Hagrid had a great idea. I take an adult, and one of you two. The other will be shrunk and stay in my pocket." Ron smiled happily  
"Ron, can I sit in the chair. Harry can be shrunk. He doesnt mind!" Hermione smiled at Ron. "WHAT! No! I have never been in a muggle airplane in  
my life! I think I should!" Harry said glaring down at Hermione. "No! You see Harry, my beautiful face is more appealing then yours. How could I  
possibly hide it in Ron's pocket? Besides, with Harry shrunk and out of the way, the ride will be MUCH more enjoyable!" Hermione said.  
"YOU STUPID PRAT! I AM GOING TO PULL YOUR HAIR OUT!" Harry screamed jumping on Hermione. Hermione ran around the room screaming as Harry was on her   
heels reaching out for her hair. Ron stared at them. That was the best thing that he had ever seen. He started laughing. Hermione and Harry looked up.  
Hermione was cornered and Harry was aproaching her with his block of wood that was still on the floor where he had thrown it. He was ready to hit Hermione  
out cold. They stared at him. He was on the floor laughing! At THEM!   
  



	4. The End

Ron, Harry, Hermione and Charlie were headed to the ministry to pick up Ron's tickets. They went up to the counter.  
"May I help you?" asked the old wizard in orange robes.   
"Yeah, I am Ron Weasly. I am here for the tickets to America that I won." Ron said proudly.  
"You are Ronald Weasly? Okay then, Some one owled you to give you the password. May I have it?" He asked smiling.  
"Password?" Ron asked puzzled.  
"Yes son the password. Without it, I can not give you the tickets."  
"I never got a password!"   
"Well, you should have!"   
"Charlie, did Mum get a password?"  
"No. This is odd..."  
"Ron, I say we jump him!"  
"Harry! No! That would make us look like barbarians!"  
"Well, what do you suggest we do miss I-know-everything-in-the-world-because-I-am-a-perfect-and-I-am-more-civilized-then-  
you-you-ugly-caveman!"  
"I AM GOING TO JUMP YOU YOU UGLY BUTT CHEEK!"  
"Harry and Hermione! Do you MIND!" Charlie yelled at them.   
"Sorry"  
As they were sorting out this mess, a little boy with brown hair and blue eyes came up to the counter.  
"Can I help you son?" asked the old wizard looking tired from fighting.  
"Yes sir. I am Ronald Weasly. I am here to pick up my tickets."Came the tiny voice. Every one stared at the little boy in  
amazement.   
"YOU are Ronald Weasly? But, THIS is Ronald Weasly!" Said the old man.   
"Ron, you aren't RONALD Weasly! You are RON Weasly. Well what do you know! There are TWO Weaslys!" Charlie said in amazement.  
"Do you have the password son?"  
"yes. It is George W. Bush"  
"What kind of a password is THAT!?" Harry mumbled.   
"Yes that is it!" said the old man.  
"Congradulations Ronald Weasly. Here are your tickets. Where will you be going?"  
"To Florida! There is a place called DisneyWorld that I want to see! It is muggles trying to make the place look like they  
know how to use majic! What silly muggles!" The little boy laughed.  
"Lets jump the little smart ass!" Hermione whispered to Harry. Harry and Ron looked at her.   
"Well, I am sorry Ron Weasly. Here. You can have these!" The old man handed Harry. Ron, and Hermione cheap quills  
that said Ministry of Majic on them in yellow letters.  
They all walked out. Ron was ready to kick some one so hard. 


End file.
